Knowing Him

His Spirit beckons
calls out to me...
'where are you beloved?'

'Savior' i cry out
'its me, over here
i am tired and alone
my heart stirred by Your voice
but my mind filled with fear...
Will you,
come Lord into this prison of pain...?
its dirty and ugly...
only you can make it right again...
Shine your Holy Light
into the dark recesses of my mind...
come and bring YOUR joy
YOUR Presence
in You alone i find delight...'

'Here I come beloved only an invitation
was I waiting for...
I am a Gentleman and like a loving groom
I wait patiently at your heart's door
knocking gently My Spirit moves...
calling you back from that scary room
Come into the Light
Come back to Me
i have come to lead you HOME
to set your spirit FREE...
BE still and KNOW that I AM GOD.'

"from now on every road you travel
will take you to God.
follow the Covenant signs;
read the charted directions...

keep watch over me and keep me out of trouble;
don't let me down when i run to You."

Psalm 25:10,20
the Message

Seperated, Sacrificed, Satisified

The life of faith in Christ is marked by sacrifice, separation and satisfaction...
Oswald Chambers

Let's come out and be separate from everyone/thing's influence and be TRUE TO GOD!

Let's sacrifice-ourselves, gifting ourselves, our life, to God in perfect WHOLLY surrender

Let's be FULL and satisfied- filled with the fullness of God.

Be Lord of all in my life
the willing gift of my heart i bring
in Your hands, forever, i will remain
You are my everything

Oh-sweet satisfaction
to be held in Your hands
where my name is tattooed
my heart is made new
my mind renewed
Jesus i have come out and
am separated- consecrated to You!

Be satisfied i pray
with the sacrifice of self
i bring
tis my humble offering
receive my life
my Love
my Lord

and

be glorified
be magnified
O may the world see the wonder of You
let all watch and be amazed
as You take the pieces of little ole messed up me...
and weave a one of a kind tapestry
behold-Your imprint upon Your MASTER piece, Your promise
in You, i trust,
in YOU i believe

inspite of myself
my failures
my blunders
my many faults
i will watch as You work on me
from the inside out

what were once ashes
will be beautiful indeed
unspoken treasure
and untold seed...


i love YOU Lord
only You can make beauty from ashes

Freedom from Fear

as a result of being human- experience & mental illness i am no stranger to fear... nor are any of us- i am not afraid of any one thing- but many... fear of living and failing, fear of losing the love of those i hold dear, fear of missing the mark and messing up - letting God down cause i can't keep it together... these are sure to pass at one time or another in my life's journey... cause i cannot work hard enough to keep successes sure- i cannot avoid the pain of failure or of a relationship that has changed- i cannot ever meet the perfect standard of the law-man made or divine

in reality i am forced to realize my absolute inability to be 'good enough' and to trust MY SAVIOR for Grace...
His Wholeness in exchange for my brokenness- His Provision in exchange for my lack- His Strength for my weakness- His Rest for my turbulence- Soundness for chaos and so on... my fear for His Love.

if my relationship with God is based on anything 'cept HIS ability... it ceases to be a relationship based on Grace and becomes religion... religion asks, "what must i do- how do i fix this or that?" faith says, "thank you for all you've done and do- i trust You to do what i cannot, to teach me and lead me and guide me in ways that i do not know-show me Your Ways"

religion- which is driven by fear... says, "how can i be sure i have done enough to earn favor, to be saved. I don't know for sure so i must do more." ... this mentality leads men to slavery.

faith in God says, "i can never do enough so i will cease in my efforts and trust YOUR work- I will do what You want as You show me."

do i trust, then fear is driven out bit by bit and replaced with LOVE... as i get to Know the One who Loves me and is called LOVE

the secret is learning to surrender more and more of myself (fears and all) to the One who can keep me... in peace and rest and to trust that WHO He IS is MORE than ENOUGH for me...

"Some christians want to be slaves. It is easier to let others make decisions or to rely upon the letter of the law...
The kingdom of God is a kingdom of freedom. Jesus invites and challenges us to enter this kingdom, to walk the royal road of freedom to be set free by the Father's love. He calls ragamuffins everywhere to freedom from fear of death, freedom from fear of life and freedom from anxiety over salvation." Brennan Manning, Ragamuffin Gospel

"Desperate I throw myself on you-you r my God
hour by hour i place my days in your hands...
God takes care of those who stay close to Him
but pays back in full those arrogant enough to go at it alone."
Ps. 31:14- The Message

do we throw ourselves onto the Lord and let Him carry us or do we try and go at it alone...
when i catch myself saying, 'i can do this' .. then i need to remind myself, 'no, i can't. God can. He is on my side. so i can do all things...

i am not alone. Love is here. Emanuel, God IS with me.

2 Know Him is Real Life

"...this is the real and eternal life:
That they know you,
The one and only true God,
And Jesus Christ, whom you sent. "
John 17:3
Messsage

Knowing Jesus, and the Father through Him, is real- and eternal life.
God is more than the sum total of what He has done..
He not only loves us -
He is LOVE
He not only speaks truth-
He is TRUTH
not only does Christ make the way to the Father-
He is the WAY
Not only does He provide nourishment to our spirits-
He is LIVING BREAD AND WATER poured out for US
Not only does He speak to us in the Bible-
HE IS THE WORD MADE FLESH
Not only does He require sacrifice-
HE IS THE LAMB SLAIN FROM THE FOUNDATION OF THE WORLD
He put Himself on the altar and HE IS THE SACRIFICE...

Who is God to you?
A loving awesome Friend and Father...
Lover and Teacher or
just an idea out there somewhere...?

Knowing Christ is of utmost importance - it is vital to our beings...
because KNOWING HIM EXPERIENTIALLY is REAL- ETERNAL LIFE
whether we know it or not we have a God shaped void that only He can fill...
we must feed on HIm- His Words
and only He can reveal Himself as we spend time with Him...
'KNOW ME & LIVE' beckons the Lord...
do not harden your heart today...
Let's worship God for who He is-He Himself is worthy

"God's people passionately and faithfully STAND their ground." Revelations 13:10

reveal your awesome self to me & us O Lord
i ask you humbly Lord
not because we are so deserving of the revelation of YOURSELF
but because YOU are WiLLiNg and DESIRE for us to KNOW YOU AND LIVE!
AmEn.

Jessi

Who am i?

recently diagnosed with a mental illness i am learning to walk with Jesus in this Truth. so long i have been hiding- afraid- in darkness... mental illness is so often confused with someone being 'bad' or 'weird'... instead of truthfully being an illness. like diabetes. i have a mental disorder my brain does not cooperate with my heart and without medication my brain manages to wig out causing emotions to rail and anxiety to peak... (family life gets pretty sticky when you can't stand yourself) shame has kept me from talking and still does to some extent about my illness- yet it is so needful for people who struggle with a mental illness to know that others struggle as well and that Jesus cares... and can walk us into the Light if we are willing to humble ourselves and receive help...He is our all and all...our everything and He longs to be welcomed into our hurts and fears... so He can set us free....

Being a christian doesn't mean perfection or being free from pain and suffering... but it does mean having the Creator of the universe on your side.. and if He is for you who can stand against you and win? and as far as being perfect- no way that will happen this side of heaven but that was never the point of Christ coming- that is the beauty of grace- grace whispers, "you are forgiven, you are loved" when we/i am utterly unlovable and as prickly as a porcupine... who am i to deserve to be called a christian and identified with the King of Kings...? no one special and yet He readily calls me Beloved and calls me His Girl unashamedly. in moments when i am particularly ugly and unchristian like is when i am most aware of the unmistakingly amazing love of God.

i abide in Your Grace,
forever i will remain in Your hands
not by works or by might
not by intelectual knowledge
but by Your blood shed for me
on the Cross
my life you bought..
purchased -
payed for
i belong to You
You are the Key Bearer-
You have full access to my heart...
i love you Lord...
i am Your Beloved and You are mine...

Follow Him

Following Jesus can be such a challenge to my selfishness... at all times it means being willing to give it all... to surrender my all...
to not be scattered to my own efforts but rather to be in intimate union with God and thereby bringing everything i learn in my intimacies out into the open by practicing that which i learn daily... living by faith... and walking in love...
but so often instead i serve my own interests even forgetting what i have learned forgoing my training and doing what i please instead ..

Jesus, is not interested in trite religion but in me, in us and our Lord beckons us to love on Him and be loved... He knows what we have need of and longs to satisfy us- will we turn to Him or keep trying to do things our way?

'In my pain and in my joy draw me ever near Your heart-
till i hear it beat and know Your will...
i love you Lord- yet follow you imperfectly...
though Perfect Love beckons...
You shun me not-
You love me still...
always calling me, "Beloved,
Come away with me...
my love will restore your soul
fill you up-
make you whole..."
I am so sorry for the times when 'wait' is my answer
instead of a passionate pursuit...
and yet You woo me still...
Indeed i have met and tasted of Love,,,
and He is good...
" Surely God is my salvation;
I will trust and not be afraid.
The LORD, the LORD, is my strength and my song;
He has become my salvation. With joy you will draw from the wells of salvation..."
Isaiah 12:2-3

Intercessor or Hypocrite

".. if we see a Christian believer sinning... we ask for God's help and He gladly gives it, gives life to the sinner..." The Message, I John 5:16

"If we are not heedful to the way the Spirit of God works in us we will become spiritual hypocrites we see where other folks are failing and we turn our discernment into gibe instead of intercession.

God reveals things that we may take the burden of these souls before Him... that we rouse ourselves until God is able to convey His mind to us about the one for whom we intercede...

Is Jesus Christ seeing the travail of His soul in us?"

Oswald Chambers

the world would be unrecognizable if we were to turn all found faults of others to prayer and intercession. what would that mean in our very own family life if instead of harping on each others faults we prayed for each other? maybe then the Church would glow brightly-a beacon to the hurting world; united and whole.

Father forgive us for our petty complaints against each other...
help us to see others with Your eyes of love and to turn all that we see that would hinder someone from fulfilling Your plan for their life to prayer... rather than gibe. Thank You for your mercy for our shortcomings and Your grace to walk on... in Love with one another... Let the world see Your love through us- I pray.

Prayer

"Worship and intercession must go together,
the one is impossible without the other...
When we lose sight of God
we become hard and dogmatic-
we hurl petitions at God's throne
and dictate to Him what we wish Him to do.
Are we so worshipping God
that we rouse ourselves up to lay hold on Him
so that we may be brought into contact with His mind...?"
Oswald Chambers

Prayer is a vital part of our relationship with God...
we worship Him in prayer when we exalt His desires...
over our own, trusting His Heart...surrendering our own will to
the point of union with His Heart
and agreement with His Mind and Will...
Trusting that ultimately He always will do what is best for
us and that which will point others to Himself...
so that they too can Know Him.
His end desire is that we all know Him and become His
children...He longs to be Father to us all...
this is why Jesus died in our stead.
He was making a Way
to the Father's Heart for each of us...
paving a Way to the throne room of God Almighty...
a Way to the Lover of our Souls...
How God's Heart must ache when we choose other lovers...
Prayer is our opportunity to love on God and be loved by Him...
Take time with the King.
Jessi

'I Am Yours;
Your Nourishment, Manna- Bread of Life
Your Daily Bread
I Am Your Peace, Shalom and Wholeness
I Am your Hope
Yours...
the Lover of Your Soul.
I am Alpha and Omega- the Beginning and the End
and Everything in between
and I gave Everything I Am for you...
Beloved.
I want to be YOUR EverYthinG
Come away with me Beloved
My Banner over you is LOVE
I Am Yours."
Jesus

icu&urbeautiful

I hope you enjoy this like i did- and i pray that the Lord give us eyes to see as He sees...and to behold the beauty in the unseen work of LOVE.

Invisible
It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?' Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible Mom.
 
Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?
 
Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'
 
I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!
 

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a hair clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'
 
In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.
 
A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'
 
I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'
 
At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.
 
When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'You're gonna love it there.'
 
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.
 
Great Job, MOM!
 

perspective

last week was horrible - i think i hit an all time low...so instead of wallowing in self pity i thought i would
bring some balance to the perspective...
i decided to make a list of 10 blessings in my life-here goes:
1-God loves me and accepts me & declares me righteous on the basis of
the bLOOD of Jesus-I AM FORGIVEN
2-I am filled with the Precious Holy One- who leads me and guides me
and is always with me reminding me that i am a child of the Most High
God-a Princess-sealed for the day when Jesus comes to take me HOME
3-I am in relationship with My Abba Father who loves me perfectly & i
will spend 4ever with Him in ever increasing intimacy!
4-My 3 beautiful children who love me despite my many shortcomings- who
are more patient with me than i with them many xs
5-my hubby who is relentlessly in love with me-? who usually can't
remember my faults- even though they are HUGe
6-God has promised to make beauty from ashes and to restore all that
the enemy has taken and destroyed- and work it all out for His glorious
purposes.
7-God is with me and He is good and He PERSONALLY walks me through this
life to GLORY... even when the shadow of the valley of death and or
whatever tries to overtake me or just even scare me off course- He is
there taking care of me, giving me rest, caring for my needs! ...
besides- truth be told in the spirit i live in a perpetual- eternal
state of victory in Christ- this life is but a blink...
8-even when my fleshly mortal mind is not in working order - and is
doing its own thing- God has ordained that i walk in HEALTH and
therefore makes a way for that to happen - He is Order in Chaos- I can
learn to cling to Him and let the rest GO- He will provide the means
for Order like He provides air for me to breathe...
9- even in a sea of emotions that threaten to overtake me demanding to
be addressed- Jesus teaches me to walk on water-no matter how big the
waves, i can learn to surf- emotions may be real but Jesus IS TRUTH-and
my faithful Life Preserver
10-I am Jesus' Girl- the apple of His eye- He is my Lover-my Friend and
Lord- God is for me- who can stand against me-? the Commander of the
Angel Armies- the Lord of Hosts- My Maker is MY MAN- I am in GOOD HANDS
an extra blessing---
11- i am in a family.... of believers called The Body... i am not alone
anymore..even when i feel lonely...

the beginning-Jessi

I owe everything I am and have to God's work in my life. With His help, like countless others, I have overcome many trials. Parents who divorced when I was 7- followed by sexual abuse, running away, excessive drinking, drugs, promiscuity, cutting, eating disorders and anything else self - destructive, probably.

By the time I was 18, I didn't like myself or others and I lived in a prison of a shame based- dysfunctional inner world... Trying to find a way out of the pain I married my husband (of now 11 years) ... hoping that by settling down I would finally be 'happy'. It didn't work! What followed instead were many hard years while I struggled to make things work in my world of pain. I shoved it all behind a 'super-mom' mask... and hurt many people along the way, especially those closest to me. It wasn't until I had an encounter with the Living Christ- that my life truly began. Jesus continues to deliver me through many different God happenings, from the prison of my past even now, on a daily basis...sometimes moment to moment. That was about four years ago.

Immediately after my encounter with Christ I had a desire to live for Him and to work full time in ministry. As I began to seek God's plans for my life He gave me opportunities to pour into the lives of young people- including teen moms (through Teen MOPS) and middle schoolers at my local church. Currently I am taking a break from ministry and focusing on homeschooling and recovery.

Needless to say- the most difficult challenge to overcome has been the mental and emotional pain of my past. After years spent feeling like I should be 'better' already I finally realize that I am (and always will be) in constant transformation and that the freedom I found in Christ is ONLY the beginning of my story- not the end!

My husband and I are continuing to work towards building a healthy marriage and family. God continues faithfully to bring us to wholeness- teaching us His ways, through His Word, and leading us gently by His Spirit. My three beautiful children all love God passionately and have seen His power to restore lives first hand! We home-school and enjoy life together- being silly and embracing life with all abandon to God. It is an adventure filled with MOUNTAIN TOP HIGHS and death valley lows... but the constant is GOD's presence and His love...His promise to never leave or abandon us.

I was recently diagnosed with a mental illness and now am learning to trust Jesus in the midst of the present storm. As always He is faithful to help me, teach me, heal me and guide me as I walk with Him day by day. Through it all He is HERE with me- ever faithful... through trying different meds and dealing with all the wacked out symptoms. I pray that you are blessed and encouraged as you read the posts... that you would know that real people with real problems can trust Jesus and call themselves christians- God chasers. Remember- no matter what you are going through, you are not alone! God is waiting to help you... He has a good plan for your life and He is BIG enough to help you through anything! Be Blessed-as you follow HIM!